Gaslighting: How to Recognize the Signs and Protect Yourself

 

Introduction

Have you experienced Gaslighting? If you haven’t this is an important PSA. If you have, may I offer my sincere empathy to you and wish you well as you navigate your way through this.

Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of manipulation, designed to make you doubt your perception of reality. Those who feel wronged, betrayed, or lied to often employ it. Gaslighters weaponize your own words and actions, convoluting the truth to serve their narrative.

Having just gone through my first and hopefully last gaslighting experience, I thought this might be useful for others who may have experienced this. Needless to say, I'm still blown away by the experience and not in a good way.

This article explores how gaslighting manifests in personal and professional relationships. We discuss the specific behaviours and language gaslighters use, and actionable steps to protect yourself. Understanding these tactics is essential for safeguarding your mental health and maintaining your confidence.

 

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone distorts the truth to make you question your memory, perception, or sanity. While the term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, this behaviour is far from fictional and occurs frequently in real-life interactions.

 

How Gaslighting Works

Distorting facts: Gaslighters rewrite events to align with their perspective.

Undermining credibility: They often make you feel irrational, forgetful, or overly sensitive.

Exploiting personal information: By using what they know about you, gaslighters skew the narrative to their advantage.

Signs of Gaslighting in Personal and Professional Relationships

Gaslighting can come from anyone—colleagues, managers, friends, or family members.

 Recognizing the specific behaviours and language used is key to identifying this manipulation.

Behaviours of Gaslighters

Playing the Victim

Gaslighters often claim they have been wronged or betrayed, using these claims to justify their actions.

Example: “I can’t believe you would accuse me after everything I’ve done for you.”

Twisting the Narrative

They selectively present information or omit key details to paint themselves in a favourable light.

 Example: “You’re the one who said you would do this. Don’t you remember?”

Using Your Words Against You

Personal information shared in confidence becomes ammunition.

 Example: “You said you’re bad at handling stress. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

Overgeneralizing

Gaslighters exaggerate or make sweeping statements to dismiss your concerns.

 Example: “You always overreact to small things.”

Feigning Forgetfulness or Denial

They deny previous statements or actions, making you doubt your recollection.

Example: “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”

Exaggerating Your Faults

Highlighting minor mistakes to deflect attention from their behaviour.

Example: “You can’t even keep track of the little things, and you expect me to take you seriously?”

Language Gaslighters Use

Gaslighters rely heavily on language to manipulate and control. Common phrases include:

 “You’re being too sensitive.”

“That never happened.”

“Everyone agrees with me, not you.”

“You’re remembering it wrong.”

“Stop overthinking things.”

 

Skewing the Narrative

Gaslighters excel at rewriting events to suit their narrative. For example, in a workplace conflict, they might portray themselves as the victim to gain sympathy while subtly discrediting others.

Individuals tend to engage in gaslighting behaviour to gain control and avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. This drive can happen unconsciously or unintentionally, and the gaslighter might not be fully aware of the impact their words and actions have on the other person’s mental state.

 

The Impact of Gaslighting on Individuals

The effects of gaslighting can be profound, particularly when it comes from someone you trust or work closely with.

Gaslighting behaviours might include trivializing (“you are so sensitive”), countering (“you aren’t remembering correctly”), blame-shifting (“that was your fault”), or dismissing (“you are overreacting”).

In such cases, the gaslighter might genuinely believe they are just expressing their own perspectives or opinions.

Other gaslighting behaviours, such as lying or denying, are typically a conscious effort to distort the victim’s perception and confuse them.

While the perpetrator may not be thinking, “I am going to gaslight this person,” they likely are lying or denying the truth intentionally.

Unintentional gaslighting is still gaslighting

While unintentional gaslighting may not involve a deliberate attempt to manipulate or control someone’s perception of reality. However, it still involves undermining another’s feelings, experiences, or sense of self.

The impact of unintentional gaslighting is real and can be hurtful to a relationship and the mental well-being of both parties.

Unintentional gaslighting

Blaming the Victim: Suggesting that the person’s actions or choices led to negative outcomes (e.g., telling someone “that only happened because you X” when they express their feelings or concerns).

Contradicting: Offering conflicting information or opinions (e.g., a parent telling their child “You’re not hungry” when they ask for a snack).

Forgetting Details: Accidentally forgetting important details or events that are significant to the other person.

Dismissive Language: Using phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “it’s not a big deal” when someone expresses their feelings or concerns.

Minimizing Experiences: Downplaying or trivializing the other person’s experiences or emotions (e.g., telling your friend “it’s not that bad” or “other people have it much worse than you” when they share their distresses).

For some, they may have learned this behaviour early in their life either as a child or young adult. It might also be a survival mechanism that they developed to protect themself from a toxic or abusive environment.

Mental Health Consequences

Chronic Self-Doubt: Victims often feel incapable of trusting their own judgment.

Anxiety and Depression: Constant manipulation creates a cycle of stress and hopelessness.

Low Self-Esteem: Gaslighting erodes confidence, making individuals feel unworthy.

 

Emotional Consequences

Isolation: Many victims withdraw from others, fearing judgment or misunderstanding.

Confusion: Persistent manipulation leads to difficulty distinguishing truth from lies.

Emotional Exhaustion: The constant need to defend oneself takes a toll over time.

 

Professional Consequences

Damaged Reputation: Gaslighters often tarnish the credibility of their targets.

Career Stagnation: Victims may miss opportunities due to a lack of confidence or fear of retaliation.

Decreased Productivity: The mental strain of gaslighting affects focus and performance.

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

Recognize the Tactics

Understanding the signs of gaslighting is the first step in countering it. Reflect on whether someone’s actions or words consistently make you question yourself.

Be aware of the gaslighters' persistent need to control even the most menial activities.

Recognise their dismissive language ( we tried that before and it didn’t work) and passive-aggressive tendencies when they are challenged or someone expresses a different view to theirs ( I knew there was something off about that person).

 

Set Boundaries

Clearly communicate limits to discourage manipulative behaviour.

For example:

“I don’t appreciate being spoken to in that tone. Let’s keep this professional.”

“I remember the conversation differently, and I stand by my understanding.”

Document Everything

Maintain written records of conversations, emails, and incidents. Detailed documentation provides evidence and clarity.

Seek Support

Confide in trusted friends, mentors, or mental health professionals. External perspectives can help validate your experiences.

 Call Out the Behavior

If safe to do so, calmly point out manipulative behaviour. For example:

“I feel like you’re twisting my words. Let’s stick to the facts.”

 

What to Do If Gaslighting Persists

When gaslighting occurs in a professional setting, use the escalation protocols of the company. Engage HR if necessary. Gaslighters tend to use an audience to validate their position and gain credibility. They will often copy a host of people in on emails and other correspondence if they believe this will prop up their version of events.

Ensure you provide clear, documented evidence. 

In personal relationships, consider seeking professional mediation or therapy to navigate the situation effectively.

Once a gaslighter is exposed they seldom want to continue the relationship under the guise of broken trust. This is almost always followed by a 'scorched earth' approach to terminate relationships with zero willingness to entertain the possibility that they were wrong. If the relationship is outside of the employment or family situation, it might be easiest to simply walk away and cut all ties.

Call to Action

Gaslighting can undermine your confidence, damage relationships, and hinder professional growth. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward regaining control and protecting your well-being.

 

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Unlocking the Power of Green Skills for Mid-Career Professionals

 

The global push toward sustainability is reshaping industries and redefining how we work. If you are a mid-career professional, you may be asking yourself:

Where do I fit in? How can I stay relevant in this evolving landscape?

The answer lies in Green Skills. What is this? You may ask. I had never heard this term until recently, so I thought if I didn’t know there could well be loads of other people who also have no idea what this is OR how it even applies in this volatile working landscape.

So, here is an overview that might help you understand What ‘Green Skills’ are and how it applies to you.

Green Skills refers to the knowledge and abilities needed to align your expertise with future-focused, sustainability-driven opportunities.

This comprehensive guide will explore what Green Skills are, their critical importance, and how professionals in both green and non-green industries can leverage these to future-proof their careers.

What Are Green Skills?

Green Skills encompass the knowledge, values, and practices that contribute to sustainable development and environmental preservation. These skills are not confined to traditional "green jobs" like renewable energy, sustainable engineering or environmental science.

These are versatile skills, that apply across industries like finance, marketing, IT, and even human resources.

 

Key Green Skills Include:

Renewable Energy Literacy: Understanding clean energy technologies like solar, wind, and geothermal systems.

Sustainable Design: Creating products, buildings, and systems with minimal environmental impact.

Energy Auditing: Identifying inefficiencies in energy consumption and finding/suggesting solutions.

Carbon Accounting: Measuring and reducing individual and organisational carbon footprints.

Circular Economy Expertise: Innovating ways to recycle and repurpose materials.

Sustainable Supply Chain Management: Reducing the environmental impact of logistics and procurement.

Behavioural and Organizational Change: Leading teams in adopting eco-friendly practices.

 

Why Are Green Skills Critical for the Modern Workplace?

The demand for sustainability-focused talent is growing rapidly. This is being driven by regulatory pressures, consumer expectations, and the urgent need for individual and organisational action to combat the impact on the environment. Green Skills have become indispensable for organizations aiming to thrive in this new landscape.

 

1. Accelerating Climate Action

Global policies like the European Green Deal and the Inflation Reduction Act are spurring demand for professionals who can help achieve net-zero emissions.

 

2. Shaping Emerging Industries

Sectors like renewable energy, sustainable agriculture, and eco-friendly manufacturing are booming. These industries require skilled professionals to lead the way.

 

3. Enhancing Job Security

Green Skills offers resilience in the face of automation and industry disruptions. Professionals who adapt to sustainability requirements enjoy better employability.

 

4. Driving Economic Efficiency

Organisations implementing green practices often report reduced costs and increased efficiency, fuelling demand for talent that can spearhead these initiatives.

Leveraging Green Skills in Non-Green Roles

You don’t need to work in a “green job” to make an impact. Green Skills are increasingly integrated into traditional roles, creating opportunities for professionals across various sectors.

Examples:

Marketing: Highlighting eco-conscious product features and leading green branding campaigns.

Human Resources: Introducing sustainability training and green workplace policies.

Finance: Conducting sustainability audits and managing investments in renewable energy projects.

Operations and Logistics: Transitioning to eco-friendly packaging and optimizing supply chains.

IT and Tech: Improving data centre energy efficiency and developing tools to monitor environmental footprints.

How Mid-Career Professionals Can Develop Green Skills

Transitioning to a green economy or integrating sustainability into your role doesn’t require starting from scratch. You can seamlessly upskill and position yourself as a leader in your field with the right approach.

 

1. Identify Transferable Skills

Evaluate your existing expertise to uncover overlaps with Green Skills. For example:

A project manager can lead sustainability-focused initiatives.

A marketing professional can design eco-conscious campaigns.

2. Upskill Through Certifications

Explore online platforms like Coursera, edX, and LinkedIn Learning for relevant courses. Certifications to consider:

Certified Green Supply Chain Professional (CGSCP)

LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) accreditation

Carbon Literacy Project Certification

3. Gain Practical Experience

Seek volunteer opportunities or side projects that apply Green Skills, such as consulting on energy efficiency or eco-friendly design.

4. Stay Informed

Subscribe to industry publications, attend webinars, and follow thought leaders to stay updated on sustainability trends.

5. Network in Sustainability Circles

Engage with green professionals and organizations through LinkedIn groups, industry conferences, or local meetups.

 

Green Skills: A Win-Win for Professionals and Businesses

For Businesses, incorporating Green Skills leads to operational efficiency, compliance with regulations, and a positive reputation.

For mid-career professionals, these skills offer:

·        Expanded career opportunities in the green economy.

·        Increased job security through relevance in sustainability-driven roles.

·        Personal fulfilment from contributing to a healthier planet.

Action Plan: Your Path to a Sustainable Career

Ready to embrace Green Skills and future-proof your career? Start today:

·        Assess Your Current Role: Identify opportunities to incorporate Green Skills.

·        Upskill Strategically: Enrol in courses or obtain certifications.

·        Advocate for Change: Propose sustainability initiatives within your organization.

·        Build Your Brand: Showcase your sustainability knowledge on professional platforms like LinkedIn.

By investing in Green Skills, you’re not just staying relevant—you’re leading the charge toward a sustainable future. 🌍

 

Call to Action:

Take the first step toward designing your sustainable career.

 

Download our free guide, Future Proof Your Career with Green Skills

https://bit.ly/GreenSkillsCareerGuide

 

Click the link below to Book a Consultation to explore personalized career strategies tailored to your goals.

https://calendly.com/renatacareercoach/45min

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Navigating Workplace Challenges in Contentious Management Roles: Strategies for Building Value and Driving Change

In the complex landscape of today’s corporate world, certain management roles can be particularly challenging, often due to their sensitive nature or perceived lack of alignment with core business goals. When leadership and colleagues fail to understand or value these roles, it can lead to frustration, feelings of undervaluation, and hindered performance.

This article offers actionable advice for professionals in these roles to navigate workplace dynamics, strengthen their positions, and foster productive relationships with their leadership teams.

 

Understanding the Challenges of Contentious Roles

A frequent difficulty in these roles is a lack of recognition for their impact. Leaders may overlook the purpose of these roles, leaving managers feeling as if their contributions are marginalized or their responsibilities are seen as "unimportant."

 

Identifying Common Challenges

Limited Perception of Value: Without a clear understanding of the role’s objectives, leadership may struggle to see the full potential and impact of these roles.

Low Engagement from Line Managers: Passive-aggressive or absent line managers create communication gaps, making it challenging to fulfil responsibilities and advocate for the role’s significance.

Organizational Resistance to Change: If the organization is resistant to change or sees little benefit in the role’s strategic goals, it can be difficult for managers to push initiatives forward.

Dependency on Broader Stakeholder Networks: When the role relies on international offices or external teams, delays and miscommunications can complicate timely project execution.

Strategies to Overcome Workplace Challenges

For managers in these contentious roles, adopting a proactive and adaptable approach is key. Here are strategies to help navigate these dynamics, enhance your working relationships, and demonstrate the unique value of your position.

 

1. Enhance Visibility and Communicate the Value of Your Role

Clarify Your Responsibilities: Create a concise, written summary of your role, responsibilities, and the specific impact of your work on the organization. Share this with local and international stakeholders to reinforce your role’s purpose and clarify its objectives.

Develop a Value-Driven Portfolio: Showcase accomplishments, metrics, and case studies that illustrate your contributions. For example, share examples of how your initiatives have positively impacted the organization’s brand, reputation, or employee experience.

Host Regular Briefings: Arrange quarterly meetings or presentations with stakeholders to share your progress, discuss challenges, and communicate the support needed from leadership.

2. Build Strategic Alliances Across the Organization

Identify Key Advocates: Seek out colleagues who understand or appreciate the strategic value of your work. These allies can support your efforts, helping you gain visibility and advocate for the role.

Network with Broader Stakeholder Groups: Developing relationships with stakeholders across different locations or departments can help build momentum for your initiatives, align on shared goals, and foster a collaborative environment.

Collaborate Cross-Functionally: Reach out to departments like HR, Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), or Marketing, which may have overlapping objectives. These teams can serve as powerful allies, helping to promote your initiatives and objectives throughout the organization.

3. Strengthen Communication with Your Line Manager

Address Passive-Aggressive Behavior Directly: If your line manager is passive-aggressive or unsupportive, consider scheduling a one-on-one meeting to discuss specific challenges and how they affect your work. Keep the conversation constructive and solution-focused, emphasizing a shared goal.

Request Regular Check-Ins: Set up regular update meetings to create a consistent communication channel. This helps to keep your manager informed and engaged in your work.

Document Key Communications: For clarity and accountability, follow up on major discussions with an email summary. This approach ensures that agreements and expectations are documented.

4. Create a Personal Development Plan

Set Career and Skill-Building Goals: Identify specific skills or knowledge areas to enhance your professional value and effectiveness in your role. Skills in Stakeholder Engagement, Strategic Communication, or Organizational Change can make a significant difference.

Invest in Professional Development: Enrol in courses that build skills relevant to navigating complex roles. This investment strengthens your toolkit and shows your commitment to growth and organizational impact.

Seek Mentorship: Mentorship from a senior leader within or outside your organization can provide valuable insights for managing difficult dynamics, boosting your confidence, and positioning yourself for long-term success.

Leveraging Actionable Steps for a Stronger Role

Taking ownership of your professional growth and relationships is essential to success in a contentious role. Here are some actionable steps to strengthen your position:

Showcase Tangible Results to Leadership: Keep your work visible and results-focused, aligning closely with organizational priorities.

Adapt to Organizational Feedback: Flexibility in your approach can be crucial for progress, especially when organizational priorities shift or new challenges arise.

Empower Yourself with Knowledge: Stay updated on industry trends related to your field and role. Being seen as an expert not only strengthens your position but also builds credibility and influence within the company.

The Path Forward: Building Resilience in a Challenging Role

Professionals in contentious management roles hold the potential to drive impactful change within their organizations. You can highlight the value of your work and achieve meaningful career growth by increasing visibility, fostering strategic alliances, and establishing strong communication channels with leadership. Empower yourself with knowledge, remain proactive, and advocate for the recognition your role deserves. Through these steps, you can not only elevate your role but also drive meaningful change within your organization.

 

Closing Thoughts

Navigating workplace challenges requires resilience, adaptability, and strategy, particularly in roles that are not always well understood. If you’re facing similar challenges, consider leveraging these strategies to navigate the complexities of your role. Remember, by focusing on the value you bring and building a network of supportive allies, you can thrive in even the most challenging environments.

 

#contentiousmanagementroles, #organizationaldynamics, #stakeholderengagement #workplacechallenges